本句的错误在于后半句：同学们 - 响起 - 掌声 的主语和谓语的词义搭配不对.此外,激烈的掌声 中的修饰词“激烈”与掌声的词义搭配也不符合汉语习惯,可修改为：
故事讲完了,同学们热情地鼓掌.
或：故事讲完了,会场上响起了同学们热烈的掌声.
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