关于英语作文,

The monthly expenditures of students have been on the rise in the past few yearsHowever, the fact is that most students live on the money their parents give them.Theyspend money on comparisons with classmates,in order to compare with others they buy designer clothes and the latest mobile phone, MP4,and even learn school stardye their hair, to compare cool with others.,leading to a pleasure-seeking,spendthrift habits, and cause a serious economic burden.on parents
In my opinion, young students are sensitive to fashions and new trends, thus they easily found it impossible to make ends meet and run into debt. Though everyone has the right to enjoy a comfortable life, campus is a place for study anyway. So you should establish the correct values ?and emphasis on their studies .(貌似写多了,自己改改）有错的地方吧很多。现在我看到的就有：cause a serious economic burden.on parents 应该为“causing"，thus they easily found it impossible to make ends meet and run into debt应该为“find”，emphasis on their studies 应该为“your”，我不知道你水平如何，用了一些高级词汇，如expenditures （noun.)，spendthrift，comparisons，emphasis on这些名词你可以改为动词 ，动词替换下。另外，你要求的只有两段最后一句有包含，其他都可以改的